Of Intimacy, Bad Timing and Goats
by Kishire-Zangetsu
Summary: There are times when Ichigo doesn't appreciate the things his family does. Then there are times when he does. This isn't really one of them, though.


I'm not sure what I was listening to when this idea popped into my head but...here you go. :D

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><p>"Can you be any grosser?"<p>

Grimmjow looked up at Ichigo giving him a chastising look. "I could. Should I burp in your face or jack off in your kitchen sink?"

Ichigo's face turned horrified for a second before he shook his head. He bent over to pick up the dirty plate and soda off the coffee table in his living room. "Just clean up after yourself. We've been pretty good avoiding my dad; I'd like to keep it that way."

Grimmjow was too busy staring at Ichigo's backside to actually listen to the other. "Hm."

"And didn't you say you had a sister at home? You can clean at your own place but not when you're imposing in someone else's?"

"Sure."

"And I'm pretty sure I wanna have your babies. Take me now."

Blue eyes shot up at to stare at the other, surprised. "What?"

Ichigo gave the other a blank look, but there was still a blush on his face. "You're such a…a…"

"Man? Cause that ass is proving that quite nicely right now."

The orange haired teen turned away in effort not to look at the slight bulge in the other's pants and walked into the kitchen and tossed the can in the trash. "Pervert…"

"Just admiring God's gift to me."

"Will you shut up?"

Grimmjow turned to peer over the back of the sofa with a frown. "I don't get it. You're hot as fuck, but ya won't let anyone tell ya that."

Ichigo sighed as he washed the plate off in the sink. "Understandable since people feel the need to tell you twenty-four seven…"

"But I thought honesty was the best policy."

"Not if it makes people uncomfortable!" Ichigo exclaimed, shaking his head.

"Me appreciating ya makes ya uncomfortable?" Grimmjow was right behind Ichigo now, hands finding their way to the redhead's hips. "Cause I'm sorry, but I can't say I'll stop if it does."

Ichigo shivered at the touch. "No, that's not it. I like it when you compliment me. I'm just not used to it yet."

"Not used to it-that dumbfuck Kugo guy does it all the time and ya don't say anything to him," the blue haired man spat.

"Because I don't give a shit what that dumbfuck says," the shorter teen replied. "Or Nnoitra, or Urahara-sensei, or anyone else. Just you. So it makes sense that hearing you say what I want you to say, but of your own volition…makes me anxious."

"…so are ya anxious right now because I complimented ya or because my hands are under ya shirt?"

After drying and putting the plate away, Ichigo turned in the other's grasp to swat his head. "Shut up. Don't you have homework you need help with or something?"

"Yep. Help me?"

"Sure, what is it?"

"Anatomy."

Ichigo glared at the other. "When you fail, don't expect me to feel sorry for you."

"But Kitten-berry, ya know I'm not stupid, so if I fail it's because ya distracted me."

"Wha-no! You can't pin the possibility of you failing on me!"

"Actually I can. Do ya know how many times I've been caught staring at ya? How many times I sit at home not understandin' my fuckin' math homework because I was too busy thinking about all the things I could do to ya on the teacher's desk to pay attention?"

Ichigo blushed hard. "That's not my fault. I thought about you too and still managed to get my work done. You're just a pervert."

"A pervert who can't wait." Grimmjow leaned over and nipped at Ichigo's neck, hands moving to cup his bottom. "Come on, Kitten. Homework can wait."

"Ngh…Grimmjow…" Ichigo moaned at the other's touch, leaning his head back to give him better access to his throat. "Not in the kitchen…"

"Why not? We'll just be careful not to make too much of a mess."

"But Grimm-_oohhhyoufuckingbastard_," the redhead groaned when fingers dragged slowly through his hair. One his hands tangled itself in Grimmjow's hair while the other held onto his arm. Feeling the muscles flex underneath the shirt's material made Ichigo's mind blank.

As did the hand creeping in front of him to undo his belt. Whatever protest Ichigo may have had was swallowed by Grimmjow as his tongue invaded the redhead's mouth. His heart quickened as the fingers in his hair scrapped harder, and in response he yanked the other's hair, feeling him groan at the action. Their tongues wrestled a bit before Grimmjow grabbed Ichigo by his waist and hoisted him on top of the counter, his fingers deftly undoing the clasp to the redhead's jeans before snaking inside to wrap around his growing erection.

Ichigo moaned loudly, throwing his head back against the cabinets. He leaned forward to bury his face in the crook of Grimmjow's neck, both embarrassed and turned on enough to not see straight. His hands gripped the blunette's shoulders tightly and he bit his lip when he felt a harsh tug on his cock.

"See, ain't this so much more fun than homework?" Grimmjow grinned against the other's temple before moving to inch the other's pants down a little more. He put his hands on Ichigo's thighs before dipping his head down to lick at the head of his cock.

"Grimm! Ohhh, do that again…" Ichigo moaned again, closing his eyes. One of his hands found Grimmjow's, the other still grasping his hair. His breath became hitched as the Grimmjow engulfed him completely, causing his whole body to jump slightly. The hand he was holding gently kneaded his thigh, probably meant to calm him a little, but all it did was remind who it was and what he was doing to him.

Ichigo banged his head against the wooden cabinet doors once more as the pleasure surged through his body. He cracked his eyes opened and dared to glance down, only to meet the other's eyes. Ichigo blushed and sputtered while Grimmjow just grinned around his mouthful and gave a particularly hard suck. Ichigo was back to moaning in seconds, forgetting to care how dirty this was as his eyes glazed over. But not before they unconsciously peered across the kitchen to the clock on the wall.

6:58.

…

It took a moment for his brain to make the proper connections before his eyes widened dramatically. "Grimmjow-stop-wait-

"Somethin' wrong?" the blue haired man asked around Ichigo's cock, making it jump.

"My dad-he'll be here any-

"ICHIGO MY DARLING SON! DADDY HAS RETURNED WITH YOUR SISTERS FORM THE PARENT TEACHER CONFERENCE TO PARTAKE IN OUR DAILY SHOWING OF FAMILIAL LOVE~! NOW WHERE ARE YOU SO I CAN KICK…your…ass?"

Ichigo wished right then for whatever god was out there to smite him. And then Grimmjow. And then him again. And maybe even his dad with his _un-freakin-believable _timing.

"…OH MASAKI! IT SEEMS OUT SON HAS EXPERIENCED THE WONDERMENT AND BEAUTY OF LOVE! AND WITH A GOOD LOOKING MAN THAT WILL NO DOUBT GIVE HIM BEAUTIFUL CHILDREN! I PROMISED I WOULDN'T CRYYYYYY~!"

Exposed to the world or not, Ichigo gently pushed Grimmjow off him to leap at his father. And proceeded to beat the living shit out of him. "YOU DAMN BASTARD, WILL YOU STOP SPOUTING NONSENSE ABOUT ME HAVING CHILDREN? I AM NOT YOUR DAUGHTER!"

"But-but Ichigo, you've always been more in touch with your feminine side than most boys your age-AGKH!"

"AM I IN TOUCH WITH MY FEMININE SIDE NOW?" Ichigo grasped Isshin's neck tightly and shook him hard, ignoring how his head hit the floor each time.

"Ichigo, keep it down. Can't you beat him up quietly?"

"You'll disturb the neighbors! Besides I have to make…dinner…Ichi-nii, why are your pants undone?"

_Dear God please someone kill me._

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><p>"…so this is your boyfriend?"<p>

"Unfortunately."

"Hey, my feelings are hurt, Kitten-berry," Grimmjow smirked. His smirk fell, however, when Yuzu squealed right next to him.

"Ichi-nii, I'm so proud of you! You managed to find someone special without me and Karin's meddling! See Karin? I told you he could do it!" the short maple haired girl pumped a fist in the air.

"Took him long enough." The twin with jet black hair shrugged, grabbing the remote on the table and turning the TV on.

Ichigo glared at her. "I'm seventeen, dammit. When was I supposed to get a boyfriend?"

"Who knows? But I mean, even Yuzu had Jinta, so-

"Wait what?" Ichigo said, completely forgetting what the issue really was here.

Which Yuzu was quick to remind him. "Now, we're not talking about me-

"You mean that little punk down the street? Renji's brother?"

"Yes, Ichigo, but really the issue here is-

"You stay away from him. I'll kick his fucking teeth in-

"Says the guy who got a blowjob on the kitchen counter!" Yuzu covered her mouth as soon as she said it. She blushed hard, ignoring her sister's surprised laughter. "S-sorry."

Grimmjow laughed right along with Karin at the horrified look on Ichigo's face. "Damn she got you good, Kitten. Nothing to argue that with?"

"I-shut up! This is all your fault!"

Grimmjow raised an eyebrow. "Oh?"

"If you had just waited, none of this would have happened!"

Karin mimicked the blue haired man. "You're awful angry for someone who just had his dick sucked. Isn't that supposed to mellow you out?"

"Finally, someone who ain't afraid to speak the truth." Grimmjow raised a fist in Karin's direction, which she immediately hit with her own.

"Wh-where did you guys learn such language?" Ichigo exclaimed, blushing.

"Ichigo, we're in middle school. What did you expect, rainbows and unicorns?"

"Eww, no, I hate unicorns," Yuzu said with a grimace.

"Since when!" the redhead squeaked.

"My children have grown up so fast…OH MASAKI~~~!"

The three siblings grabbed the objects nearest to them and spiked them in their father's direction. They sighed in bliss when a pained yelp was heard.

Ichigo glanced over at Grimmjow to see him messing with his phone. "What's up?"

"Nothing. Just calling my sister to come get me. Unless ya want me to-

"No. Go home."

Grimmjow blew a lock of hair out his face. "Well shit. You're that mad?"

"No. Just tired." Ichigo gave the other a shy smile before leaning to lay against him. "Maybe some other time."

"…I'll hold you to that."

"I'm counting on it."

They winced when Yuzu squealed again, saying something about 'living in a real life yaoi manga' while Karin just shook her head, smirking. Ichigo ignored his sisters in favor of going to the kitchen. "Well, may as well eat, yeah? What're you guy's hungry for?"

"Curry!" the twins answered in unison.

Ichigo smiled at their antics. "That okay with you, Grimm?"

The blue haired man just gave him a look that said 'you are so getting fucked next time I see you', and Ichigo had to turn back to the refrigerator to hide his blush.

"You…are so going to live with me when we graduate."

"Who says I'd want to?"

"Oh don't lie, Ichigo. You must be pretty smitten with this guy to let him give you head in the kitchen."

"KARIN!"

"What?"

Grimmjow just raised his hand with a laugh, grinning at Karin when she leaned across the table to hit it.

"You two are getting along just well," Ichigo muttered to himself. "Not sure if that's good or bad."

"Damn," Karin began, ignoring her brother. "Those are some impressive guns ya got there."

Grimmjow smirked and flexed for the girl. "Why thank you. You've got nice legs. Soccer?"

"Yep. Track, too. Maybe a little basketball in the future."

"Ah, not bad. I bet you dominate at meets, don't you?"

"Damn right. Runs in the family."

Ichigo sighed and smiled as he watched his sister and boyfriend talk animatedly about sports and family heritage. The doorbell rang and Ichigo went to get it.

"NOT SO FAST~!" Isshin ran and jump-kicked his son into the furniture before twirling over to the door.

"DAMN YOU, YOU STUPID OLD…" Ichigo words died in his throat when he saw who was on the other side of the door.

She was beautiful! Tall and voluptuous, with long sea green hair and big doe eyes. There was an odd scar going across her face and she was wearing black jeans with an odd goat-like hoodie, the hood making her look like some kind of centaur.

But what was such a hot woman doing at his house?

"Well hello miss, what can I do you for?" Isshin smiled, bowing slightly. The girl looked apprehensive for all of two seconds before speaking. "Well, my little brother called and-

"Nel-Nel? That you?"

The green haired woman looked up. She spotted Grimmjow and pushed Isshin to the side rather harshly (like, practically through the kitchen counter), leaping over Ichigo, who was still on the floor staring at her, and jerking Grimmjow into a tight hug.

"There you are! You can be so worrisome, Grimmy! I'll have you know we were all worried!"

"Who's we?" Grimmjow asked, though he was somewhat muffled do to the woman's ginormous breasts. He awkwardly patted her on the back.

"Who else? Riruka, Mila Rose, Harribel, Sun-Sun, Apache-

"I did not miss this fuckin' bastard! He was cuttin' into my canasta time with the Lolly and Menoly and I hate to be taken advantage of."

Ichigo had stood up by now and looked to the door to see and blue haired girl who looked an awful like Grimmjow walk in, hands in her pockets and a swagger in her stride. She had two different colored eyes, blue and amber, with a red tattooed eyeliner around one. She was wearing all black.

"Sorry. Was busy sexin' up that delicious little berry over there."

Ichigo glared at Grimmjow as soon as the man got free from his sister. "Will you shut up? God, you're annoying." He then noticed the short blue haired girl appraising him. "Um…"

"He's cute. If I were straight, I'd tap that." she said with a nod. She turned back to her siblings. "Can we go? I'm fucking missing NCIS for this."

Grimmjow smirked and walked over to her, ruffling her hair. "Close it, shorty. You only watch it for Abby."

"Who doesn't?" she said, swatting his hand away. She looked around the room before setting her sights on Karin. "Wassup?" she asked, jerking her head in her direction.

Karin shrugged and walked over to drag her father from floor in front of the door. She bent down to grab his ankles and-after looking up at Apache once more-began pulling him to the side.

Ichigo's eyes widened at that. "K-Karin…"

"Don't worry, she's only checking her out. Apache usually walks right up and kidnaps whoever she wants to have fun with." Nel had moved to whisper in Ichigo's ear gently. "She's still safe…but I see you aren't, huh?"

Ichigo blinked and turned to look at the woman. She had eyes that looked at him like Orihime, but there was also something that said 'I won't hurt you, little one'. For a second he thought he was looking at his mother. "Um…you mean Grimmjow."

"Yep. I'm surprised. Glad, but surprised. Grimmy almost never likes someone enough to blow 'em on the first date."

Ichigo paled and blushed at once, something that shouldn't have even been possible. "He told you?"

"Me and Grimmy are like this," she said, wrapping her index and fore fingers around each other as she rocked back and forth on her heels. "All of us are."

"All of you?"

"Me, Grimm, Apache, Mila Rose, Sun-Sun, Harribel, Ulquiorra, Starrk, Lilynette, Yachiru, Szayel, Ilforte, and auntie Yoruichi. She's Harribel's girlfriend. And sometimes Urahara's girlfriend. Sometimes both." She giggles.

Ichigo nodded. The knowledge that Grimmjow had so many siblings made him feel a little bit better about his own family. Well…his father anyway.

"SUCH A LARGE FAMILY! MASAKI, YOU CAN BE SURE THAT OUR BOY WILL BE WELL TAKEN CARE OF~! MY TEARS ARE THAT OF HAPPINESS~!"

Ichigo sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose.

"Aww, Grimm, Ichigo has such a nice father! Now you don't need to worry about seeing eye to eye with Kenny! And he's pretty cute, too!" Nel smiled and winked at Isshin from across the room, to which he grinned goofily back.

"Dear god, no, Neliel. You don't get to seduce my father-in-law." Grimmjow sighed. He noticed Ichigo smirking and giving him a look that said 'oh really?' and grinned in response.

"Who said I needed seducing?" Isshin said from the corner of the room, jumping up and brushing off his lab coat.

Ichigo gagged. "Ugh, dad, no, you don't get to say things like that-

"Now, what did you say your name was, young lady?" Isshin crossed the room in seconds and bowed, taking her hand in his.

Neliel giggled. "It's Neliel Tu Oderschvank, but Nel is just fine for you Mr.…" she trailed off.

"Kurosaki Isshin. Doctor and father to three beautiful children." He smiled.

"Well, Tae Kwon Do instructor and oldest sister to…" she looked to the side in thought while she counted on her fingers. "…a lot of people. Woman of the house, in other words." She gave the other a sultry look.

"I'm going to barf," Apache muttered before walked back out the door. But not before turning and nodding her head in Karin's direction on the couch. Karin, to her credit, didn't take her eyes off the screen but nodded anyway.

"Well, we'll have to get together so we can discuss our boy's future together," Nel said, clapping her hands together.

"Indeed. How about tomorrow at eight. There's this lovely restaurant down the street…" Isshin said, gesturing to the road outside the open door.

"That's sounds great. But only if you stay in the lab coat. I have a things for doctors," she whispered with a grin.

"Well, what do you know? I happened to have a thing for women who take charge-

"WILL YOU SHUT THE FUCK UP, GOAT FACE?"

Neliel and Isshin were startled out of their flirting to look at their respective boys. Ichigo and Grimmjow looked at each other, blinking in confusion.

"Did you just-

"Did you?"

The four of them all looked at each other before jumping at the squeal coming from the kitchen. Karin just shook her head. Nel and Isshin laughed heartily while Ichigo glanced between them and Grimmjow. When his eyes stopped on the blue haired man, he smiled. The other made a kissing motion with his lips and winked, causing Ichigo to blush, thoughts of future engagements running though his mind.

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><p>Review please!<p> 


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